Consent

I really enjoyed this episode of Law and Order. Although I had seen it before, it had been quite along time ago, so I was not clear how it ended. Also when I had seen it before, I was much younger, so it didn't strike me so personally. The question of consent is such a sticky one, and can be a really frustrating topic, especially if you try to discuss it with the wrong guy. I have a friend who had hooked up (but not had sex) with a guy she knew a couple times, and they did not plan on being boyfriend and girlfriend, but would not be surprised if it happened again. Sex had never been attempted by either, and she was told he wanted to save intercourse for marriage, so felt like even if she was a little drunk, that boundary wouldn't be crossed, and she wouldn't do more than she wanted. Turns out their hook up repeated, and she said that he was on top of her and they were kissing, then before she knew what was happening, he was inside of her and it was done. He was a friend, and she didn't want to make a big deal of it, but she says whenever she sees the stickers that say "Drunk sex is not consensual sex" she is always reminded of that night, and the fact she'd never wanted it to be that far. In discussing it with one of her guy friends he was sympathetic, but also said how "It's too bad you had to learn the hard way, but I mean, you learned from it." That comment really bothers me, because yes, it is something to be learned from, but she is not the only one at fault by any means.
The double standard women deal with is frustrating. We are prudish if we don't party and drink and like guys, but if we do and something bad happens, we are the ones at fault, and its male-nature to go along with it. What is even more frustrating is the horizontal hostility in this episode and in all women. If a girl who liked the guy my friend had that experience with and found out about it, I bet none of us would be surprised if she said "serves her right" or anything along those lines. Issues of consent are all over the place and to counteract some of the abuses we need to team together instead of turning on one another.